ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
