I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
