You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
