I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
