I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dignity is for republicans.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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