She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
