ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
