My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
