Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
