You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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