The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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