I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize