I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
