he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
