Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
