You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
