Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
zippers are such a cool invention
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
