dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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