I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
