so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
