I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
