So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Found your dick twin last night
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
