youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
