my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
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Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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