sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
