apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
