Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
