You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
