you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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