Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
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