onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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