If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
