That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
