i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
