need another drink. this is the easiest way
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize