i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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