You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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