The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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