My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You can't motorboat a personality
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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