It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
