you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
the raccoons are back...
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