I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
