Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
