Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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