Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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