And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
