I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
