I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
