4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
