I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
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I booty called her while she was in labor.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
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I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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