Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
