your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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