Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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