I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
