i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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