cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
