You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
