Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
