Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
