i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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