I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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