She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
