ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
