If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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