worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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