I'm gonna have a badass scar
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
