Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
As shirtless as possible
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
