I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
