I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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