Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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