i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
