Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
