I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Can you bring me the toilet please
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
