I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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