my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
