The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
